“You’re lucky you’re ugly and fat
Riding the train alone at night like that.”
You said with a smack
Of your lips
A dirty smile
Revealing dirtier teeth
Yet it was I
That was left
Feeling dirtiest of all
I felt small
Even though my youth
Did not quite understand
Your command
It still made me clutch my keys
In between my fingers
Like they showed me on TV
Hoping you
Couldn’t see
The fear
In me
Alone with you
In the dim hue
Of the metro
I bet no one
Would have stepped in
Anyway
The way strangers prefer
To look away
“You’re lucky you’re a woman
Or I’d strangle you”
That blue vein in your forehead
Pulsed when you said it
You were upset
That I let someone merge into traffic
Manic
You panicked
Then the light turned red
The shade of your face
Was the same
When you came
Storming toward me
In the middle of the
Intersection
I clutched my pepper spray
Locked my doors
Right away
Just in time
To find you
Pounding on my window
A window
Into your feelings
Toward women
And men
Would you really have hit me then
If I was a him?
“You’re lucky you’re skinny, you can afford to be picky.”
You said with a smirk as if it should hurt me
Women I thought of as allies
Reacting with side eye
While acting
Like being single in your 30’s
Is something to bury
As if we as women
Have to get married
Especially if
We’re especially beautiful
Or especially thin
Listen
I’m honored
You think
That I
Have it made
It’s not like that
I’m self-made
And when I lost weight
It wasn’t so I could find a mate
Yeah I lost the weight
Yet found new ways
To hate
My body
And a journey
Of self-love
Leaves little room
For distractions
And you couldn't pay me
Or make me
Equate those things
To what success in society
Looks like
I might
Want a partner
I might
Want a daughter
But for now
I’ll settle
For living in the present
A present I gift
To my past
Present
And future
And I think I’m lucky
That I don’t believe in luck
I believe
Enough
Is enough
We’re stuck
In a rut
Of gender conformities
That become
Social normalities
What’s really disturbing
Is that we are learning
To divide
Instead of conquering our fears
Through the years
Tears staining the faces of those
Who would make others heroes
For changing their world for good
Good intentions are nothing
It’s action
That makes things happen
And it’s then
That we see
We can choose to be free
From phobias built
On ignorance and bias
Let’s try it
Learning from each other
Instead of turning on each other
Believing we can
Rise to the occasion
Rather than give a reason
To believe that we
The people
Aren’t better than this
History has witnessed how
We dismiss our mistakes
We can do better than this
Let’s be better than this
We are better than this.
